Be Honest About Your Feelings:
It’s perfectly normal to be angry about your infertility, as well as intensely sad. The level of depression and anxiety in the infertility population is the same as in cancer, heart disease, and HIV-positive patients.
To hate pregnant women is a normal, natural, negative thought. It’s the pain and grief speaking. Mixed emotions are natural, too. You can feel happy for the good fortune of a friend, while feeling like life has cheated you at the same time.
In a nutshell, it’s OK to be angry and all right to be sad. Jealousy is part of the package, too. Those feelings don’t make you a bad person. They make you a real person, with real feelings. Feelings that happen to hurt like hell right now.
Be Selective about how and where you hang out:
What’s the one topic that dominates the conversations of all pregnant ladies and new mothers? Babies. Intelligent women with masters degrees, exciting careers, stimulating hobbies, and a passport full of stamps from around the world are suddenly unable to discuss anything except runny noses and car seats. It’s not their fault, of course. Nature gives relatively sane women a bad case of baby tunnel vision for the sole purpose of the perpetuation the human species. But all that baby talk can be total agony for someone who can’t participate. Pick social situations that you can handle.
I recommend that women get back to the interests and activities that they enjoy. Our whole life can become our fertility treatments and women feel like their not doing anything useful when they are not in cycle.
Infertility is a medical condition that takes a heavy physical and emotional toll on every woman who lives with it. Between the fertility drugs, the surgeries, the egg extractions and the acupuncture, our bodies become misused and exhausted. Add in the mindless comments from strangers, plus the way we tend to mentally beat ourselves up for our “failures” and it’s no wonder our self-esteem spirals downward and our psyches crumble.
Now, more than ever, is a time to look inward. I think it’s important to do a lot of self care because we want to do the antithesis of what will add to our depression. I recommend some form of relaxation and says to take care of your relationship since baby making can become all-consuming.
Therapy is another great option. There’s also an organization called Resolve whose goal is to “provide timely, compassionate support and information to people experiencing infertility.” It’s a national group with regional chapters set up to provide local support. And more informal support groups, such as the Advanced Fertility Issues message board on BabyZone, can give you a place to vent, get information and support, and be with others who understand your situation.
Whether the pregnancies of others make you happy, make you cry, or leave you with a mixed bag of emotions, always remember that you have the power to choose the situations and conversations you’ll join. And own up to the fact that infertility is a major life crisis that affects your well-being and relationships, so take time out to take care of yourself.
