Archive for October, 2009

Halloween is here and then the rest of the holidays follow…generally a time when we see our families and where children are involved.  This can be a triggering time for those going through infertility treatments or just trying to conceive naturally and having difficulties.  Resolve.org came up with a great list for coping with the holidays.

Attending Holiday Parties

Be selective about accepting invitations to parties and holiday celebrations, especially the ones at which you know there will be a lot of children or pregnant women. Remember: you don’t have to say yes.

Feel guilty about not participating in all the traditional family events. You’re going through a difficult time, and you need to concentrate on helping yourself and your partner get through the holidays.

Visiting Family and Friends

Plan to spend time with couples or friends who don’t have children if family festivities are too much to bear this year.

Consider arriving just in tmie for the holiday dinner, rather than the night before if you find it painful to be around your young nieces, nephews and cousins.

Rely completely on family traditions to fulfill your present needs.


Spend time doing things you like best: preparing a spectacular meal, taking long walks, going horse-back riding or jogging, or curling up by a fire with a good novel.

Plan a special trip just for you and your partner: a ski weekend, or a few nights at a cozy country inn. You may have to put up with comments like, “How can you be so selfish?” or “The holiday won’t be the same without you.” But those remarks may be easier to bear than a holiday table packed with children.

Begin your own family traditions: a special ceremony or ritual that says that you and your partner are already a family, and that you can rejoice in your love for each other, with or without children.

Pretend that there’s nothing wrong and carry on with “business as usual.”

Sharing Your Feelings

Decide in advance how you will handle difficult and insensitive questions. You may even want to rehearse your answers. (You can decide to be honest with friends and relatives as to why you can’t join certain celebrations and traditions which are just too painful right now.)

Express your appreciation to friends and relatives who have given you their love and support. Be sure to keep in close contact with your friends at RESOLVE; many of them are in the same boat and can understand and offer the support that perhaps your family cannot.

Be caught off guard by unexpected or embarrassing questions about your plans for having a family.

Plan your responses, but don’t feel that you have to disclose all the details of your situation either!

Lending a Helping Hand

Try to help others in need. Visit an elderly or bed-ridden relative; volunteer at a hospital or nursing home; or participate in a holiday program to help the homeless. Cheering up other victims of the holiday blues has a rejuvenating effect.

Close yourself off to positive feelings and new experiences. You may find that you have a special ability to make others feel good, even though you’re not feeling upbeat yourself.

Staying Tuned-in to Your Partner’s Needs

Set aside time to share your feelings with each other. Allow yourself to feel sad, deprived or depressed. Infertility is a major life crisis, and you are entitled to those feelings. Talk with each other about your feelings. Your partner may be able to help you through the rough times.

Give yourself, and each other, frequent pats on the back for making it through the holidays. Remember to capture the “spirit” in each holiday which makes it special. Participate in activities which bring meaning to you at this time; create the joy intended in celebrating the holiday for its own sake.

Get caught up in the whirlwind of the holidays and forget about each other. You need each other’s comfort more than ever.

By: Resolve .org


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Clinic adopts new standards to fight infertility

BANGALORE: With the abortion rate going up rapidly in India, educating couples, especially the young ones, has become a necessity. Assisting couples with a state-of-the-art facility using global standards and practices, Sure Fertility, based in JP Nagar, has opened its door recently to such couples.  According to Dr R Kishore Kumar, CEO, Sure Fertility, “Infertility is a major concern in cities like Bangalore, due to constant spikes in stress levels triggered by work pressures and working conditions that upset the body clock. Added to this are issues like faulty eating habits and lifestyle, obesity, lack of exercise and late marriages.” When a woman is unable to conceive after a few years of marriage, the pressure on her increases and the couple gets emotionally distraught. “We are dealing with not just a medical issue but also a highly emotional and personal one. There are various milestones to be crossed before high-end and clinically sensitive procedures are used,” he added.
If India is having a problem then the United States obviously falls right behind them with the stressful lifestyles! One of the things I work on myself as well as with my clients is how to deal with the stress.  Normal stress with everyday life is bad enough, but when you add in the infertility stress and the medications that make you feel like an alien…then the question becomes how to deal with that?!  My advice is definitely get on board with some acupuncture right away, it does miracles.  Plus studies have proven the effects to raise the pregnancy rate during IUI/IVF’s dramatically.  Also it is important to be exercising regularly to deal with the stress….now obviously don’t run a marathon and don’t enter a fitness competition, but exercise at a moderate pace several times a week.  I encourage most of clients to stay in therapy to deal with the emotional component or find a local support group.  Just know that you are not alone…more women than you realize are silently going through this and many women in their 30’s/40’s are still single and have no idea that it could be a possibility.  Don’t do this alone, it is just too challenging.  Contact me if you ever want advice, need resources, or you are local and would like to join one of my support groups or see me individually.  http://www.amoreenabergmft.com

First Published : 03 Oct 2009 04:22:06 AM IST

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